What’s the difference between confidence as well as arrogance, particularly at work, particularly for women? exactly how can you tell if you’ve crossed that line at work? visitor A wonders…
I’ve got a sensitive subject that I haven’t seen discussed about self-control at work. I was just recently hired at a legislation office where I’ve summered the last two summers doing litigation.
At work I was called into the hiring managers office as well as told the following. Hiring manager is one of my biggest supporters. He believes my career can take me far beyond where most people go in their careers into the top division. However, a couple of my evaluations from supervisors from the summertime believed I sometimes acted arrogant. He stated he didn’t believe I was arrogant however that some things I stated at my interview danced the line between positive as well as arrogant as well as increased red flags. He stated he only brought it up since he didn’t want to not state something in situation it ended up being an problem in the future.
Any insight on responding beyond saying thanks to him for telling me as well as saying thanks to him for supporting me?
Interesting question, visitor A. We’ve talked about exactly how to be expert without appearing like you believe you’re in charge, in addition to stressed the importance of being humble as well as grateful when you’re networking with older people — however we haven’t talked about what to do when you’re told you’re arrogant.
(On the flip side, we’ve talked about exactly how to take a compliment, in addition to a great deal about a lack of confidence; we had a discussion about the book The confidence Code and we’ve shared posts on facing fear as well as low self-esteem, imposter syndrome, and doing work you feel unprepared for.) I have a few thoughts, however I’m curious what visitors will say.
This may be a gender treatment problem — i.e., a guy might do the exact same things you’re doing, however you get called “arrogant” since you’re a woman. The Pantene ad comes to mind, as do some of the recent problems increased by the Ellen Pao trial (see this Slate article, for example) or some discussions about arrogance as well as deference at the new York Fed (see The Baffler article). When you’re the low person on the totem pole, as well as early in your career as well as this specific job, though, I suggest you act like it isn’t a gender treatment issue. Don’t get caught up as well much in whether it’s fair or it isn’t, since there isn’t as well much, at this stage, that you can do beyond getting a new job.
Ask for more info from your Hiring Manager. What specific actions or attitudes are triggering people to believe you’re arrogant? What specific circumstances can he provide you?
Look for the kernel of truth, as well as customize your habits accordingly. Here’s the important thing: looking at those circumstances as well as those actions, does any type of of it sound “arrogant” to you? If you agree you’ve crossed the line from confidence into arrogance, customize your actions. Do you interrupt people? Do you provide prolonged thoughts in circumstances where, as the junior person in the room, you should be short or silent? (Particularly in meetings with clients, or with a number of high billers so it’s an “expensive” meeting.) Do you think about some work to be “beneath you”? I keep in mind when while assigning a lot of document evaluation to a group of very first years, one of the guys stated something like, “Uh, ok, I’m truly more of a huge photo guy.” Afterwards, the senior people (of which I was one of the more junior ones) chortled, “Ha, yeah, we’ll just tell the $1000-per-hour partner to go take a break then.”
If you don’t agree, though, assess the characters involved. now that you have more info from the Hiring Manager, do you understand who stated these things about you? Can you figure it out (or ask your Hiring manager directly)? when you understand who believed you were arrogant, you can choose to either hedge your habits around him or her — or, if you can, work with other people instead.
Readers, what are your thoughts? exactly how should a young lady react when her manager provides her comments that she is “arrogant”? Where do you believe the line is between being positive at work — as well as being arrogant?
Further reading:
The trick to Being positive (Without Being Arrogant) [The Muse]
10 methods to tell if You’re positive – or arrogant [The Ladders]
Let’s Roar! exactly how to promote yourself without Sounding arrogant [NAPW]
(Originally pictured at top: Dark clouds threatening, originally uploaded to Flickr by Vincent Vandevelde. 2019 picture updates (dark cloud over field) via Stencil.)null